Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Rubbish Performance

Last week I had the pleasure of watching my little Eric perform at his school Christmas show. This week it was his twin sister, Erica, who had the chance to shine. I am pleased to say she equaled her brother with a beautiful rendition of ‘Good King Wenceslas’ in which she changed a few words to focus on Uncle Eric’s pet subject.

It is a little known fact that Nick Sheridan-Westlake has the voice of a gelded donkey and I had hoped to source a rendition of him singing the Carol to accompany this blog post but sadly I could not find it. If anyone has a copy his virtuoso castrato from last year’s Christmas party please post a link below.

Good King Wenceslas

Old King Eric once looked out
From the House of Eland
Saw the refuse round about
Collected bi-weekly despite his command.
“They know it’s every Englishman’s right
To have his vindaloo
Collected each and every week
Not one in every two”

“Hither, Shapps, and tell me
Why councils aren’t doing
What it is that I decree.
It’s really got me stewing”.
“Sire,” Shapps said with servile voice
“They talk of localism.
Now they say it is their choice
To have alternate weekly provision”.

“Bring me Giles and bring me Nick”.
The hapless pair appeared.
“This localism makes me sick.
Who thought of this idea?”
“Sire, ‘twas an electoral pledge”
The SPADs had started fretting.
“You said it would give us the edge,
“If we stopped target setting”.

“Goodness gracious” said Eric
“Whatever was I thinking?
Can we get rid of this and quick?
I must have been out drinking.
If we are to win a place
In people’s affection
We must urgently replace
Fortnightly bin collection”

1 comment:

  1. Did anyone see the best Christmas toys ever show on telly over Christmas? I was pleased to see the spacehopper in there - a genuine Christmas classic. But I was aghast to notice the resemblance between the cabbage patch dolls ((R), (TM)) and our very own Uncle Eric. What I need to know is, who copied whom? And just as disconcerting was the film of the young boy gnashing and wailing as his mummy failed to get a Cabbage Patch Doll in the mad stampede at Hamley's. Surely it couldn't have been young Nicholas, moved to tears by blameless failings of the matronly Mrs Sheridan-Westlake? Does this account for his career "trajectory"? And which toys did Farmer Giles miss out on that might account for his behaviour? Personally, I've not been the same since my dad wrote down 20 quiz questions in my Christmas card and tried to persuade me that this was indeed Trivial Pursuit.