Thursday, 28 April 2011

Return of the Saint

As you may remember one of Uncle Eric's key achievement is flying county flags above the offices of DCLG. Uncle Eric has been rightly proud of his joint flag flying venture with fellow cuddly bundle of fun Russell Grant, but I fear he has committed a sin over his celebration of St George's day.   I assume he will display an act of penance such as self-flagellation in Victoria Street next week once he is made aware of his error.

Here is my latest FoI request to DCLG: 

Dear Chums

As an avid follower of Uncle Eric, I look forward to his informative updates to the House of Commons. (

This week Uncle Eric said:

"With Easter, St George's day and the impending royal wedding, there are great opportunities for communities across the nation to come together and celebrate. [...] The Department flew the flag of St George above its headquarters and I encouraged public bodies to fly the English flag as a unifying symbol for the English nation, to be followed by flying the Union flag come the royal wedding."

Normally when reading such pomp as this I would feel my chest swell, a tear form in my eye and my heart quicken. As a patriot I have for many years flown a St George Cross from the aerial of my Rover 25 and a JD sports flag has been hung out the bathroom window since Euro 96 at Tickles Towers. I have often contemplated a tattoo to display my patriotic fervor but have not gone through as I am scared of pricks, especially blunt ones.

But on reading this I was quite simply outraged, my blood quite literally boiled. I have rarely read such blasphemy from someone who I thought respected the church and the Lord. As every hard working Christian family knows Holy week takes precedence over Saints days. Hence, us real hard working Christian families will not be celebrating St George’s day until 2nd May. I really find DCLGs ignorance of this fact quite stunning. So please can I request:

1. Which Senior Civil Servant, Minister or Special Adviser was responsible for the flying of the St George Cross on the incorrect day?
2. What action will be taken against the member of staff who made this critical error?
3. And can you assure me that the St George Cross will be hoisted up to proudly fly above Eland House on 2nd May and an apology to the nation made?

Secondly, I was joyful that Uncle Eric has been encouraging all public bodies to fly the English flag as unifying symbol of the English nation. Can you provide information on:

1) As DCLG has responsibilities in Wales, such as fire authorities, can you tell me how many Welsh public bodies have followed the request from the Secretary of State and proudly flown the English flag?

I am very upset about all of this mix up over St George’s Day and I fear it may spoil my royal wedding. Time to go and dig out the bunting.

Yours un-saintly



  1. Why all this fuss about a Turkish knight who probably never existed in the first place and who certainly never came to England. Don't say it's all made up? Like Grant Shapps's council red-tape barriers to having a good time? Like Uncle Eric's procurement policy? Like NSW's imaginary girlfriend? Like GK One's impressive media savvy? Vote YES to Wills and Kate's wedding supper! Vote NO to DeCLaGged pork pies.

  2. Uncle Eric isn't just dumb, obnoxious and vindictive; he also is a heathen. Let us hope he will be struck down by the almighty. I do honestly fear he may sport the number of the beast.

  3. Who cares? You are a cunt

  4. Calm down, calm down dear.

    Take a deep breath and try explain why (preferably without the potty mouth).