Sunday, 15 January 2012

Hot Gossip

 I have seen some stylish space hoppers carefully drawn in all sorts of places in the last few weeks. All of this has been surpassed by a quite remarkable unverified claim. Rumours have reached me that one middle-aged Head of Profession has decided to take the plunge and get a full-size Spacehopper inked across her ample back –you go Girl!.  The first person to provide photographic evidence gets a free all you can eat lunch at Greggs courtesy of yours truly.

In other news, last week, I spent most of Wednesday replacing the toner cartridge next to the Communications  Team. What I love about Comms is they know lots and lots of the goss but have no one to share it with so just shout it out across the office at each other – obviously most of the time they are kept busy phoning unctuous journos trying to get Nick’s weird stories placed. Well I heard something rather interesting last week. So here is my latest FoI:

Dear Chums

Can you supply me with the following information?
Dates and times when representatives from Gardant Communications or Heathcroft Communications met with staff, Ministers or SpAds from DLCG since June 2011.
Details of payments to Gardant Communication or Heathcroft Communications since June 2011
  Any hospitality, lunches or dinners received by Ministers or SpAds from Gardant Communication or Heathcroft Communications since June 2011

Yours with the goss

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Ichthys - all very fishy

Happy New Year!!

Twice in the last month, at work or work functions, I have been sitting next to colleagues who has doodled what look to me like a fish standing on its head with an open tail. This has been done furtively but clearly so that I was allowed to see the image before the outlined fish was hidden with other papers. I really did not know what to make of this and ignored the incidents. When I mentioned this the other day to my dear Mrs T she simply said “Ichthys” and “I guess it is all Greek to you”. She then wondered off making me feel small but thankfully wiki came to the rescue. It soon became clear that this doodle was secret sign and the image was not a fish but the outline of my trusty space hopper.

It does seem I have a growing band of disciples who are making themselves known to each other by flashing the outlined space hopper to each other. As you know I have faced continual persecution and vicious threats, principally from my nemesis Nick, so I urge all my followers to be cautions -  also whilst I am on this subject, can I say I do not condone the biro scrawling of  the image on the back of the toilet door on the 1st floor which was drawn just before Christmas – please respect the property of DCLG, please!

Here is my latest FoI request.

Dear Chums

It was lovely to see that poor Grant Shapps was promoting sports and street parties in a press release on New Years Eve ( I was amazed, mainly as this was a Saturday - when does the poor man sleep?! The press release though encourages people to host their own street games. In fact Grant Shapps says:

"As the country starts warming up for the 2012 Olympics, I want to be sure that no one has to wrestle with bureaucracy to be able to mark the occasion in style.

"So I'm today calling on communities to make it their New Year's resolution to get on the starting line and prepare for their own street games. And because all too often red tape gets in the way of these events taking place, I want councils to make it their goal in 2012 to high jump over regulations and fly the flag for those neighbourhoods wanting to take part.

"Hosting street games will both help towards securing an enduring legacy for London 2012 of greater participation in sport, and give everyone a chance to take part in a fitting tribute to the Olympics. I would urge councils and communities across the country to start planning now."

I have couple of questions:

1)       Did Grant Shapps really say this guff as claimed in the press release or was it scripted by some half-cut fool who is about as amusing as a Christmas cracker joke writing team? The reason I ask is that I have a tendency not to believe much of what comes out of the Department at the moment.

2)       Has DCLG received any communication from Brentwood council concerning their plans to host a celebrity sumo wrestling contest that will star a famous cuddly astrologer and larger than life Minister?

Yours grappling with the issues - fight fans