Thursday, 21 April 2011

Would the real Derek Tickles please stand up?


As I type, DCLG senior officials are conducting a witch hunt to try and identify the person or persons behind the phenomenon that is Derek Tickles. I understand Nick Sheridan-Westlake is developing a J.Edgar Hoover persona. He is currently embarked on McCarthy style assault to smoke out the leader of the radical Army of Armchair Auditors from Eland House. Surely NSW is acting ultra vires?! Can Mr. T evade the pursuit?

A source, named Deepthroat, has warned me that a forensic search is being conducted of computer temporary files, IP addresses, email traffic; images are being closed inspected for reflection and steganography. NSW is believed to be keen to start some deep packet sniffing, but no one is sure what he really means by this. All these efforts are in the hope to identify which DCLG employee is causing so much embarrassment to Uncle Eric and is merry men through non-vexatious FoI requests.

I know that many colleagues have been accused of being Derek Tickles over the past few months. I too have been shocked to have been asked whether I am the brains behind The Tickler. I personally point the finger of suspicion at NSW himself, I think perhaps he is DT and has created this alter ego to try and garner support and sympathy. I could be wrong though - after all I am just a simple fool and he is not.

I need to be careful not to slip up and let my guard down. I cannot let Uncle Eric or NSW to smoke me out. The dreams and welfare of many DCLG staff depend upon it. I need your help to protect my identity by creating distractions and diversions where possible. I need extra material to include in the blog to ensure that myself and others sources are not isolated. So if you any anecdotes or information that you wish to share please direct message me on twitter or email me (derek.tickles.help@gmail.com ). If you wish to send me something and protect your identity then you can through the wonderful anonymous emailer (http://www.enote.com/). Also the more people that view the blog the less likely are individual viewers will stick out – so please feel free to share the blog ( - I know, I know this is a thinly veiled attempt to increase traffic!).


I do have a vision though..... I recall the scene when the leader of the rebel Roman army, Spartacus, played by Kirk Douglas, is captured with the remnants of his amateur army. The captured troops are promised they will not be punished if they will identify Spartacus. The heroic Spartacus and his deputy stand up, but before Spartacus can speak, his friend and deputy shouts "I'm Spartacus!" One by one, each surviving slave stands, shouting out "I'm Spartacus!”

Perhaps one day we will be forced to re-enact this scene in foyer of Eland House, with a cry of 'I'm Derek Tickles'.

Keep the faith comrades

Derek

10 comments:

  1. I'm Derek Tickles. Now, kindly crawl back under your petty little rock and pretty soon we'll find it, lift it up and smash you with an old shoe. The photo is most revealing - baldie!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is all puff, I am Derek Tickles and you have hijacked my blog!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Excuse me but I am the real Dereka Tickles x

    ReplyDelete
  4. It all makes sense. Derek Tickles is all part of the febrile delusions of an unhinged Nick S-W; who is cracking under the pressure. Or could it Giles trying to usurp Uncle Eric's golden boy?

    Whoever is behind Derek Tickles and his amusing rants, please keep it up. It brightens my week.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Whoever you are, you're still a cunt.

    ReplyDelete
  6. OOOOOh Nick's got a wiggy on. Wiggy wiggy wiggy. HandSpADs at dawn. Oh, and by the way yes I am Derek Tickles. And his wife.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am saddened to see the comments on this sensible and insightful political blog descend into such juvenile gainsaying and foul language. Derek Tickles doesn't exist? It's a a good old fashioned nom de plume- so what? Surely the more pressing problem is that the 'great' Eric Pickles and his grovelling SpAD henchmen DO exist. Keep up the good work 'Derek'!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wel, he'll need a wig, cos he's a bald cunt

    ReplyDelete
  9. That is a terrible thing to say about our Uncle Eric, he has great weight and volume

    ReplyDelete
  10. And his thickness is astounding for a man of his age

    ReplyDelete