Thursday, 29 September 2011

Dangerous Liaisons

According to a highly qualified civil engineer that I know, the rumours that the planned rebuilding of Victoria Street are not due to subsidence caused by an excess of weight on the 4th floor of Eland House. There had been a fear that the sharp shift to right combined with the increasing mass has caused some major structural damage to the area. It does appear the danger has been partly offset by massive production of recent hot air which has released some seismic pressure. Whilst my concerns have been abated by my engineering friend, I was subsequently frightened by another friend who is a cosmologist. She described the situation where a massive inert mass collapses in on itself sucking in everything, including light, evidence, decency and ethics. This is truly scary, perhaps when cuddly celebrity astrologer Russell Grant is freed up from his turn on Strictly Come Dancing he will care to comment upon the chances of this cosmological catastrophe – I don’t think we will have to wait long.

Obvious the big plans for knocking down and rebuilding a large part of Victoria Street will cause some problems for existing tenants. It does appear that one particular organisation does have some fairly well developed (but secret – so shh!) plans. After Westminster Council have managed to sack a large number of pen-pushing enemies of enterprise, the remainder are going to shack up with us lot in Eland House. Not exactly a case of sleeping with the enemy but more a dangerous incestuous liaison I think.

So what are the plans for the rebuilt Victoria Street? Not sure but we could do with a new Greggs, there is only so many times staff can be expected to dine at Nandos. Come on Uncle Eric see if you can pull your weight and get us a lovely new bakery serving sugary buns and sausage rolls.

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