Friday, 30 September 2011

Dressing to the right

Last week, finally conceding defeat in the long battle between Lidl detergent and dried tikka masala, dear , dear Mrs T decided it was time that I spruce up my winter wardrobe. Seems she has been feeling the style pressure from all those Elle-McPherson-ish ‘yummy mummies’ who appear at the school run. On the occasions I do drop the twins off at St Cakes, I have found that the local MILFs give me an extremely wide berth indeed.

Nevertheless, Mrs T has insisted we both need to make more of an effort. On Saturday I was dispatched to my local M&S with strict orders to splash out on shirt, slacks and new cardigan. I know what I  like, and have always been fond of a smart short-sleeve cotton polyester mix shirt and find its simple modern style complements its quick drying, non- ironing characteristics so expected to be in and out in a jiffy. Alas, the inevitable happened and I was sidetracked -and spend far too long salivating and masticating in -the Food Halls of Britain's favorite store. I did come home with a bargain XXXL pant and vest set, though. Apparently, having tried them on,  this was obligatory.

It seems I am not the only one that is interested in jazzing myself up. My Uncle Eric appeared on BBC breakfast news today looking very dapper but bleating on about bins again.. Whilst he looked smart, he sounded far from it, and seemed to get very confused between terms like ‘millions’ and ‘billions ‘and ‘refuge’ and ‘refuse’. It seems appearance really is as important as substance these days. In the IT dungeon at Eland House we are forever debating who styles Kate Middleton and were beside ourselves with excitement to see what frock Miriam would sport at the LibDems thingy that happened recently. And don’t get me going on the fragrant SamCam!
I know many in Local Government have wondered about Uncle Eric and his grooming. Well, a source close to his Private Office informs me that young dandy Nick Sheridan-Westlake has been acting as Uncle Eric's personal Gok Wan over the last few weeks to ensure that he doesn’t look too common when standing next to those well groomed ex-public school boys in Manchester next week. I hear Uncle Eric and Nick enjoy nothing better than an evening of dressing each other, and chuckling at the young SPaD’s  “it’s all about the conf-er-ence, girlfriend!” impression.  Fingers crossed that this little Gok does not encourage Uncle E to appear naked at a fashion show in Cardinal Place shopping centre.

The real challenge for Nick is styling the great man in such a way that he looks slimmer than the not–so-size-zero reality, while keeping his proven ability to appear somewhat crumpled and dishevelled in check.  I’m sure Uncle E wouldn’t want to end up squeezing in beneath GQ Magazine’s 4th worst dressed man in the Britain, Boris Johnson.


  1. Is it true that someone in DCLG has got hold of some spacehopper lapel badges? I love the idea that civil servants are flashing the insides of their lapels at each other as a kind of shibboleth. Maybe Giles sometimes flashes Shezza, though this might upset the delicate chap rather too much given the rumours about him being moved on soon. He was only trying to help Uncle E. Who'd have thought it would be scruffy Giles who would the long game better?

  2. Are civil servants a complete waste of taxpayers' money? I think so

  3. Do be quiet, Nick. We may have to resurrect the tree of celebration when you get the boot. Soon, by all accounts.

  4. Can we have another post? It's been nearly a month!!

  5. @Eland Mouse - yes all true, I have been flashed at a couple of times myself recently.