Wednesday, 12 January 2011

My Pen Pal Mitch

I got a lovely response from Mitch at DCLG today about expenditure on pens. It appears that Department for Communities and Local Government are planning on reducing their spending on pens. They have also decided to rationalise the types of pens and have decided to go for a very basic pen. I hope that the pen-pushers will be satisfied with the new pen as they have had it hard of late.

I have done a rough calculation based on the reduction in spending and based on the new model that will be purchased. It looks like all employees of DCLG should be able to have a new pen every week. In total over 100,000 pens should be available each year. These would contain just enough ink to draw an outline of Uncle Eric if he lay down in the foyer.

Here is the original request:

And below is my reply to my man Mitch

Hey Mitch!!

Thanks for the response dude.  You did well my friend. I feel like me and you could really get on. We could be pen pals if you like?

So last year £7854 was spent on pens. I really like the annex but didn’t see any Hannah Montana glitter pens on the list  - an oversight perhaps?

You mention that next year the expenditure on pens will reduce by approximately £5000. Wow that is impressive. I assume this is because staff will no longer need to write down as much?
I know Uncle Eric is not keen on evidence and unnecessary research, so the requirement to record facts may diminish.  In future, we will simply await pronouncements from the great man. His sagacity and intelligence will be taken as divine fact. He will become a Buddha like character. We will venerate him.  I close my eyes – I hear the Ride of the Valkyries, I smell napalm and I have a vision of Marlon Brando as Colonel Kurtz.

The horror, the horror…

Anyway Mitch , you deserve the keys to the stationery cupboard for your hard work.

Keep it up son,

1 comment:

  1. Derek, you have made my day! This is simply the greatest FOI request ever made, and is an inspiration to us all.

    Bravo sir, bravo!