Thursday, 13 January 2011

The bells.. the bells... - why can't Grant Shapps get to sleep

Today I got response to my request concerning beds at DCLG. This was prompted by my concern that Grant Shapps was possibly struggling with his job due to poor nights sleep. The poor dear has been forced to sleep in his House of Commons office as the 20 mile journey home is arduous. Unfortunately it seems the bells of Big Ben are keeping him awake, but I guess it is the nightmares of Quasimodo are the most disturbing.

Here are the details of the request:

Below is my response:

Dear Martin

Thank you for your rather stern response.

It is a pity that there is no provision at Eland House for staff to
stay over. I had a vision of hundreds of staff dressed in their
jim-jams queuing at the sinks to brush their teeth before snuggling
down for a peaceful nights kip. A bit like a weird slumber party.
Uncle Eric is correct when he tell us we in austere times.

That brings me to the scurrilous suggestion that my request was
vexatious. I deliberated long and hard and chose my words
carefully. I said:

“If there is currently no provision for staff to kip over after a
hard days work (and also save a few quid on rent) has any
consideration been given to allow staff to use the office after
hours as a doss-house?”

It is my understanding that a doss-house is place that offers cheap
lodgings with minimal service. I consulted Wikipedia, which is
incidentally a mine of wonderful information – if you get five
minutes it really is worth a browse. Wiki actually says:

Quarters in a [doss houses] are typically very small, and may
resemble office cubicles more than a regular room in a hotel or
apartment building.

So I thought the description was quite apt. Also I have been
referring to the in-laws home as a lovely doss house every time I
have visited and I am pretty sure no one has been offended.

I hope that clears things up. If you see Grant Shapps looking a
bit sleepy please buy him a strong black coffee – he has got an
important job to do.




  1. It's sad that nobody wants to comment on Grant Shapps. Although I understand that Uncle Eric only sends out blabbermouth when he doesn't even trust himself not to stretch a foot all the way round his ample girth and plant it in his gob (later emerging with a piece of victoria sponge, no doubt).

  2. Mr Tickles

    I am declared vexatious too for pointing out Stockport Council was intending to put 550 primary school children and 78 babies on unremediated toxic waste. I know of another chap declared vexatious for pointing out dangerous, crumbly cement was being used in public sector contracts. A chap has been declared vexatious by Stockport Council for complaining about the new bin regime and banned from ever mentioning bins again, three people vexatious for asking for help for their severely autistic or troubled children.

    How many of us vexatiousees are there out there, do you think? Ball park figure only.

    Lots of love