Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Horse Power

Following on the revelation that Dave Cameron finally remembered  galloping along across the Chilterns on an old Met Police Horse, the question on everyone’s lips is has Uncle Eric Pickles donned a tight fitting pair of jodhpurs and taken a canter himself?

In the past Uncle Eric has talked about cyclists in “runner knickers” and a disturbing image of him riding  a Boris bike has stayed with me for far too long. Though  I can really imagine him donning the riding boots, white jodhpurs with riding helmet strapped under his chins and riding whip in hand – what I cannot conjure up is a picture of  the poor beast that would have to carry his load.

Poor Grant Shapps – he is more like a jockey – short in stature; not blessed with brains and having really bad teeth - oh and the squeaky voice. Last week I had the dubious pleasure of sharing the lift with him. The doors were just closing on the ground floor as he burst through sporting the usual smug smirk and air of self grandeur. I was tempted to ask him which floor he wanted and if he was the new temp in LG finance dept but thought it was best to totally ignore him – apart for swearing under my breath. I get the impression this irked him – he seems so desperate to be loved.

Talking of horsing around  -  I understand there are rumours that Uncle Eric’s Special Boyz were caught in some high jinks last week with the big man catching Giles trying to ride Nick – all without the requisite safety equipment but thankfully the whip was not required - just a bucket of cold water.

This random randy gallop through some bad jokes leads to my latest FoI request which relates to DCLG spending:


Dear Chums

After the Chief Executive of Wandsworth defied anyone to find anything interesting in the DCLG expenditure, I sat down in my armchair to face this auditing challenge.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered in December that DCLG spent £18,800 on Ministerial Car. That is more than most hard pressed families spend on a car in 5 years or more, including purchase, tax and servicing. What are the Ministers doing – forgetting where they have parked them and just buying a new one?

Please can I request a breakdown of how this money has been spent? (and assuming you continue to declare my request vexatious I hope someone else asks this question)

Vroom Vroom


  1. Wot no comments? Did they really manage to get rid of you? Just when you were getting good.

  2. Aren't you even going to ask them about the housing plans - the money numbers REALLY don't add up.

    Are you like God in Spanish Train - you've gone and let the devil win. He cheats, you know.

  3. According to my contact in DCLG HR, the DT suspect took voluntary and has gone. Photocopier's working better than ever.

  4. Hi Derek in the recent BBC Drama series White Heat I was delighted to see that the obnoxious , hypocritical and politically naive twat of a main character was punished by the writers who decided he should become a SpAD. Sadly any element of accuracy in this portrayal was undermined by scenes showing him being popular, sexually active at university and even able to handle a few drinks. Anyway good to see you under the bonnet of an HP this afternoon and looking forward to the next meeting.