Friday, 3 February 2012

Rubbish Puzzle

Rumours that I have gone Upto(w)n are not true.  Let me tell you if Nick comes to my desk and tries to stick his grubby hands in my drawers, looking for incriminating evidence, he will go away an unhappy lad. In fact he would not only leave empty handed but embarrassed and feeling even more inadequate that he currently does. You have been warned Nick – stay away from my dungeon.

Here is my latest rubbish FoI request:

Dear Chums

I was excited today to read about Uncle Eric’s kind generous gesture to councils that will allow them move away from inefficient fortnightly bin collection and return to weekly collection. I know there are some cynics who say the £250million which was miraculously found had been top sliced out of the settlement but I cannot believe Uncle Eric would be so scurrilous – I would not be surprised if this new money is coming directly from his own pocket, perhaps with help from the odd dodgy expense claim for a second home. [ - a joke my lawyer  reminds me].

In the press release today Uncle Eric says

“..barmy bin rules have made putting out your rubbish more complicated than solving a Rubik's cube.”

Is this really the case?  Can I ask what evidence he has to make this bizarre comparison? Which of these two statements apply to the Secretary of State. Either,

a)      he is a genius and finds solving the Rubik’s Cube so trivial that any other task, no matter how simple, would be more difficult than tackling the cube?


b)      is he so utterly stupid that putting the bins out is really a task which baffles him so much?

I know which of these two possibilities I would put £250 million on.

Yours puzzled



  1. Great stuff guys!

  2. Eureka! Paul Staines = Guido Fawkes = Derek Tickles. The baldy business is just a red herring. Staines has a fine head of hair (or a good syrup). Mind you, Staines has never once loaded a copier with A4 in his life - you can tell by the way he talks about it.

  3. Derek, or should I say (yes, we all know who you are) leave my name out of your blog, MU

  4. Anyone see Nick not looking best pleased early this week? It looked like someone had really upset him.... ;)