Party Time

During these austere times we are being bombarded with bad news from every quarter.  The economy is in the doldrums, unemployment is rising and Uncle Eric is still running local government  …… …into the ground.

Even the amusing spat between poor Grant  Shapps and John Humphrys last week on the Today Programme has not lifted the mood significantly in Eland House – though the rumours that young Nick was to blame over the confusion of booking poor Mr Shapps and not informing him, bought a smile to my cheeky chubby chops.

I therefore wish to lighten the mood. After all it is nearly the season to party so let us make this Winterval the best one ever. I plan to release an exciting cornucopia of Christmassy crazy creative blogs in the lead up to Winterval day. In the New Year I will be firmly seating myself back in the armchair and leading my shock troop of auditors into action again. So keep a look out for some krazy posts Chums.

So let’s get this party started with another FoI request.

Dear Chums

Last year Robert Neill responded to a question from Caroline Flint about DCLG Winterval Party:

“ As the Secretary of State indicated in his departmental press notice of 29 November 2010, the new Administration is committed to celebrating Christmas, including its Christian heritage. We should not allow politically correct Grinches to marginalise Christmas and the importance of the birth of Christ.

Ministers recognise that we live in frugal times due to the need to pay off the significant public deficit and national debt that the Government have inherited from the previous administration. But there is no need to play Scrooge.

In this context, a Christmas tree has been placed in the Department's reception at Eland house which has been provided at no cost to the taxpayer. This is in contrast to the previous cost of £1,037 for a Christmas tree outlined in the parliamentary answer of 12 November 2009, Official Report, column 849W.

Ministers plan to hold one small reception for senior DCLG staff to thank them for their hard work this year. Their work includes the abolition of bureaucratic Comprehensive Area Assessment and other local red tape, stopping the imposition of bin taxes and the unfair ports tax, and laying the ground for radical new powers for local authorities through the Localism Bill. The reception will be held in Eland House.”

Can you please supply details of the  planned celebrations for this year as I appear  not to have received my invite yet – an administrative oversight from Nick Sheridan-Westlake I am sure.

Yours ready to fight for your right to party

Derek

Curry on laughing

I have just about stopped laughing at the next harebrained idea to come out of DCLG Ministers - have they been out drinking with Bobby Neill again? I did not think that Poor Grant Shapps  idea of solving the housing crisis by getting more people to live on Houseboats would not be beaten but my Uncle Eric has topped that mad idea with sheer incredibleness.

As Local Authorities are facing massive cuts to funding, youth unemployment is at over a million and the economy is as energetic as Andrew Stunnell on valium; Uncle Eric has come up with an amazing idea and is tacking the problem that vexes him most after weekly bin collection (remember he found £250 million for this pet project). The crisis this country faces at this monumental time is ... curry.

Uncle Eric is concerned that restrictions on the number of immigrants being allowed to enter the country will reduce the quality of his favourite dish. So he is setting up a Curry College (See: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/nov/18/pickles-curry-college-intergration-strategy?newsfeed=true).  Amazingly he tries to wrap this venture up with talk of social integration but it is self-interest and stuffing his podgy chops that concerns him most. So much so that I hear he is going to appoint himself Vice-Chancellor and personally test each and every dish that is cooked.

Time for a lovely poppadum but I think the lime pickles is off and are making me sick.

Drinking on the Job

With the recent revelations concerning Dr Fox and his unofficial adviser Adam Werritty, closer scrutiny is being applied to all special advisers in other Departments.  I understand no one believes that Nick is a close friend of any DCLG Ministers or actually a close friend of anyone at all. Sad but possibly true -  just ask Giles…

On to some exciting news. I am sure you all aware that it is British Pub Week. I intend to support this important event fully. Tireless workhorse Bob Neill has also been giving it 110% in discharging his Ministerial duties.  On 21^st September he slipped out of the office in the afternoon and supped a few pints at the Black Dog in South London (www.communities.gov.uk/newsstories/communities/1992999).

I think he developed the taste for the ale because a couple of weeks later he pulled a shift at The Partridge pub in Bromley (www.communities.gov.uk/newsstories/communities/2017854). Incidentally if you magnify the image and look at the reflections in the pint glass there is a ghostly image that looks like Nick Sheridan-Westlake sipping on a sweet sherry. I did not think we were allowed to drink alcohol during the working day – if we are then I think coming to work may become almost bearable again.

Latest FoI:

Dear Chums

Bob Neill has recently been spending a significant part of the working week in some of South London’s finest boozers partly to promote British Pub Week. I am hoping that DCLG will be encouraging all staff to fully support this important event. I am keen to do my part and willing to pull a 7 hour shift every working day.

Can you provide any communication to staff that encourages staff to celebrate British Pub week and a copy of any (temporary) change to policy on consuming alcohol during working hours? Or is there one rule for Ministers and one for staff?

Hic….cheers

Derek