Tree's Company

We have been told times are hard and that’s no lie. If I was to shed a tear each time a friend, colleague or even the irritating fool who sat opposite me has been made redundant, Eland House would be flooded to the 2nd floor in my salty fluids.

I am sure there will not be a dry eye in the house when Uncle Eric and his band of fools leave DCLG – tears of joy. This is assuming that they wake up poor Grant Shapps and take him with them. There is a real fear amongst staff  that if he was left behind he would be unable to find his way out without assistance and could end up causing even greater damage to DCLG and local government.

In these hard big society times staff morale can be adversely affected. This has been starkly portrayed in the latest DCLG staff survey. http://www.communities.gov.uk/documents/corporate/pdf/1827724.pdf

Shockingly less than a third of staff are positive about DCLG as an organization and a fifth do not feel that DCLG motivates them to meet their objectives. No wonder Dave ‘The PM’ Cameron suggests that they are ‘enemies of enterprise’.

Senior staff therefore face the challenge of motivating this increasingly despondent workforce. They have realised what’s needed at DCLG is a ‘celebration’ to raise these wobbly spirits. But how?

Perhaps they could play Cool and the Gang at full blast every morning through the offices.

YAHOO! YAHOO! (Its a Celebration)
Celebrate good times
come on ! - Let's celebrate
Celebrate good times
come on ! - Let's celebrate

There's a party going on right here a celebration 
to last throughout the years.
So bring your good times and your laughter too
we're gonna celebrate your party with you
Come on now (Celebration)
let's all celebrate and have a good time.
(Celebration)
We go celebrate and have a good time.

Maybe not- Uncle Eric hasn’t seen his dancing shoes for some time.

Could the great Secretary of State could stop off at Tesco Express on the way to work and buy a couple of tins of Celebrations?. Possibly-but I fear that empty tins would be jettisoned out of the window as the Ministerial Jag approached Eland House, leaving staff ignorant of his noble gesture.

No. Disco moves and Chocolates won’t cut it. Apparently what’s needed is a pretend tree....

So here is the latest FoI request:


Dear Chums

According to the recent staff survey all is not well at DCLG. Staff have little confidence in senior management, they are unmotivated and do not feel valued.

I know that great efforts have been made to enthuse and breathe life into pen-pushing, non-jobbing, bureaucratic enemies of enterprise that Uncle Eric views his staff to be.

These efforts include the absolutely amazing ‘Tree of Celebration’. This totem of the successes of DCLG is a cut-out paper tree with post-it notes randomly stuck on whilst a scary massive cartoon bird squawks stuff (If you don't believe me please see the picture on my blog). I know that every time I fail to avert my eyes from the disturbing image, I go a little weak at the knees and I feel the last warmth of my dwindling morale slowly leaking away.

Can you please provide the following information:

1. Who is responsible for moderating what appears on the ‘Tree of Celebration’?

2. Provide a list of notices that have been added to the ‘Tree of Celebration’ since May 2010.

I can't wait for you to spread the good news.

Yours jubilantly,

Derek