Search for the hero inside yourself

Sorry if I have been quiet of late. I have been very busy involved in a clandestine project in Eland House. I have been trying to find myself. No, I have not converted to Buddhism, partly in fear that due to my bad karma I get reincarnated as Mrs Pickles. I have been helping out my Great Uncle Eric. Following on from the suspension of a certain tweeter who may have been easy to spot as he was naked, the hunt has once again turned to vexatious Mr Tickles.

At first I thought the team viewing on screen my 'Tree of Celebration' post were simply enjoying the jokes but sadly not. This dastardly crew were blowing up the images and trying to recognise me in the reflection. I must confess I was worried, as the picture size was increased bit by bit, my image became clearer and clearer, until eventually on screen in perfect clarity you could see me sitting atop my trusty orange space hopper - signed photos available on request. Not sure what happens next but you will not see me bouncy down to the Cask and Glass on my spacehopper for while.

  

So now back to business of FoIs etc. I do not really know much about feminism apart from what I picked up at an equalities and diversity workshop a few years ago but I do know that Andy Williams 'Wives and Lovers' is not celebration of female emancipation. A wonderful tune nonetheless with salient messages:

Hey! Little Girl
Comb your hair, fix your makeup
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try anymore

For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you...

Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again

Indeed I know there are girls at the office and indeed some men will be men. I personally have resisted the temptation and believe me temptation has been thrust in my way many times - even for me as a humble assistant toner cartridge replacer. Just imagine if I had attained a high elevated position  - would I have been able to resist the call of the Sirens from the typing pool?

So here is my latest FoI request

Dear Chums

I have recently received an anonymous communication. In this furtive message I was informed that a certain very senior chap at DCLG has been conducting a extra martial dalliance with a junior member of staff. I grant that it would be foolish to name the dandy without conclusive proof but I think it is important to be clear about DCLG administer these delicate issues.

Please can you supply me with?

1. Any staff polices that relates to staff having relations with other staff. Please include mention of relations between staff and Ministers or god forbid between, staff and SpAds. I am not interested in the relationships between SpAds and Ministers as this no doubt transcends love.

2. The number of times, since January 2011, that a senior member of the HR team has had to speak, email or phone staff, SpAd or ministers about inappropriate behaviors and remind them of DCLG policy concerning affairs?

Yours crazy in love

Derek

xx