'Tis certainly the season to be jolly, Chums. And not just because Gradgrind Shapps proposes curing London of Dickensian conditions by erm....suggesting huge fines that will sent people straight to debtors jail.
Those of you familiar with my ever lengthening column will be aware that my seasonal work as a Santa felt very threatened last year by the 'new 'news from DCLG that batty councils were waging war on our Christmas with new and unchristian names like 'Winterval', 'Festivus' and 'The Snowjob '. I was therefore delighted when that mighty organ , the Daily Mail revealed last month that this wasnt true at all , and I would be able to squeeze into the little red slacks and empty my sack in front of Penge's children again.
To celebrate I asked the twins to do me a picture to illustrate our favourite Xmas song- 'When Santa got stuck up the chimney'. The thought of a large chap compromised, embarrassed and losing his temper always raises a chuckle for some reason. Now I've been aware of late of a blossoming in the twins artistic ability- even the chaps in IT at Eland House are often pointing out those funny letter 'A' shaped towers with round tops and spiky baubles at the base they have the habit of chalking onto the back of my suit jackets. But I was still quite taken aback by their uncanny interpretation of Father C- I'm clearly talking about Uncle Eric far too much at bedtime!
I hope you have as much fun colouring this in as I had using it to wrap up a fox poo this morning. I blame those bin men!
Looks like doing an ebeneezer is the order of the season at DCLG ( no matter what eric the reindeer hutt says about councils not playing scrooge and spending lavishly on christmas lights!) -what with Uncle E bumbling in to the pensions negotiations like an embarrassing uncle at a family do after a stout too many. And can anyone lend me a pink crayon as I have run out mid way through the vast tundra of the great ones ever expanding face- and its so much fun giving him a good filling in! Happy Christmas to Derek, Mrs T and the Twins from another secret admirer in Eland House!
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas to Mr and Mrs Tickles and the little Ticklers. Please keep up the freedom of information requests next year, apart from the amusement they are useful to hol Pickles and company to acount.
ReplyDeleteAnother Eland House admirer. X
So are you all civil servants? How about getting a proper job? Though I guess those government pencils do need sharpening ...
ReplyDeleteProper job? What, like being a banker (rhymes with...)? Or any number of waste-of-time private sector jobs I have done to pay the rent? I used to work in the Brentwood Laundry Service cleaning Uncle Eric's mis-named smalls. And that was in the private sector. Not a job I would wish on anyone. So, poopy-plops to Christmas Day Anonymous and Happy Winterval to everyone else, especially Mr and Mrs T and the twins. Did Erica get her dancing pole, I wonder?
ReplyDeleteI consider my job at Eland house most proper indeed. A toilet cleaner at Cape Kennedy was once asked by a visiting dignitary and' what do you do?' To which he replied 'I help put men on the moon'. Every time I chuck another sausage on the griddle for one of his subsidised mixed grills I'm sure the great Eric gets a little greater right in front of me. You could say that, just like the nasa poopy patrol, I'm helping man to occupy a lot more space.
ReplyDeleteCalling all Eland House Tickles Fans- club meeting today in the usual place,usual password but also flash your spacehopper to get in, I hear Nick's on the prowl!
ReplyDeletePlease can someone confirm whether Nick will be mincing about Eland House on NYE? I fancy having a relaxing day and popping out for a cheeky sherry (no pun intended)at lunchtime.
ReplyDeleteHave you had your official warning letter yet, smartass? Come on Baldy, back to work. Come back and do something stupid so we can sack you without incurring any redundancy or pension costs. Your loving fellow-Elanders.
ReplyDeleteNick - that is not very nice. What has Derek ever done to upset you? - You obnoxious twat.
ReplyDeletei love the way the kapos at EH think Del boy is bald
ReplyDeleteAnd I love the fact that we all know exactly who Derek is- but its too much fun to let on to nasty Nick. Lets face it that cheeky grin, orange complexion and twisty pair of horns are pretty unique! Long may DT keep us all in morale boosting high spirits ( erm ,and in and A4 refills, CYMK Toner and knock off Dale Farm produce)
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